Like a slick used car salesmen, he told me he would give me a good time like I had never experienced before. He leaned in and gave me a resume of all the things he could do. He told me I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. I could feel his breath on my neck and took that moment to take my attention off the road, look him in the eyes, and tell him firmly that if he didn't stay on his side of the car, things wouldn't go well for him. He seemed taken aback that his charm wasn't working on a complete stranger and asked why I was rejecting him while thankfully settling back in his seat.
"I'm married..." I stammered, still shocked this was happening. I am used to subtle advances from the men on the island - a compliment here or there, a yell from a group of boisterous guys when I jog by, an offer to be overly helpful. The culture is much more passionate on many fronts, and most of the guys like to yell compliments at women here. But, this was the first time I had been brazenly asked for sex.
"What's that got to do with anything? No one has to know!"
"But I love my husband. There is no way I will do what you're asking."
Then, he said something strangely profound. "What's love got to do with any of this?"
In Grenada, where having sex with a stranger is seen as slightly more intimate than a handshake by many locals, where girls are mothers by the time they are in high school because they listen to these guys, where whatever feels good is the best option... I have to wonder, why would I expect them to know any different? Do we? Maybe adultery is not as accepted in mainstream circles, but the root of it... hurting someone we claim to love to satisfy our selfishness is blatantly seen and apathetically accepted in both Christian and secular circles.
Satan has twisted the word love around into so many versions, the truth becomes a needle in a haystack of false definitions. Making "love" means going through the motions to achieve a feeling of personal pleasure. We live in our own amusement park. We may get in the line of our favorite ride for a while, but eventually it becomes boring, the line is too long, we are tired of climbing the stairs to get to the top of the tower, and we look for the next thing to satisfy our appetites. Whatever feels good, that's the ride we want to try next. The only thing love means to us is what we love most at the time. Why would loving someone mean we should change our behavior to consider them? Why would loving someone negate our primal urge to put self first and do whatever makes us happy?
It's not really so different in the US, or anywhere else in the world. The problem of self is why the divorce rate is just as high for Christians as non-Christians. You love them as long as they love you correctly. You love them as long as they meet a certain physical or emotional standard. You love them as long as you get something out of it that makes it worth your while. If it looks like someone else can do a better job of making you happy, then you call up one of the hundreds of divorce lawyers in the area and jump on the next thrill ride of endorphins. You enjoy the thrill of the new car smell until you realize that person is just as imperfect as the one you left. We treat people we "love" like items that wear out.
We do the same to God. We love Him as long as it's comfortable. We love Him as long as we can get the emotional rush or benefit in some way from following His path. We love Him as long as He doesn't ask us to give up everything. But, when things get hard, we question His love. After all, we go to church every week. We give our tithe. We drop a tract on the table for the waitress. We've put in our dues. Why does He allow all this pain in our lives? How quickly we forget the life that Jesus lived was not pleasant, long, or painless. If the Savior sweat drops of blood for us, can we expect anything less for our journey? Yet, we live as though our happiness, not God's glory, was not just the expectation but the rule.
The Bible gives a very different version for love. If you do a search for the world "love" you will find about 500 references in the Bible. It was obviously an important topic to God, which is why Satan seeks so forcefully to distort it. Here are just a few of God's definitions:
- And you shall love him as yourself (Lev. 19:34)
- You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. (Deut. 6:5)
- Love is as strong as death (Song of Solomon 8:6)
- Many waters cannot quench love, Nor can the floods drown it. (Song of Solomon 8:7)
- I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely, For My anger has turned away from him. (Hosea 14:4)
- He will quiet you with His love (Zephaniah 3:17)
- For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)
- Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. (John 15:13)
- But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)
- Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. (Romans 13:10)
- Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies. (1 Cor 8:1)
- But have not love, it profits me nothing (1 Cor 13:3)
- Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; (1 Cor 13:4)
- Love does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; (1 Cor 13:5)
- Love does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; (1 Cor 13:6)
- Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Cor 13:7)
- Love never fails. (1 Cor 13:8)
- And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. (1 Cor 13:13)
- Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 5:25)
- So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself (Ephesians 5:28)
- But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. (Colossians 3:14)
- Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. (Colossians 3:19)
- Labor of love (1 Thess 1:3)
- Putting on the breastplate of faith and love (1 Thess 5:8)
- For whom the LORD loves He chastens (Hebrews 12:6)
- And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8)
- By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. (1 John 3:16)
- But whoever has this world’s goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him? (1 John 3:17)
- My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth. (1 John 3:18)
- Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. (1 John 4:7)
- He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. (1 John 4:8)
- There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. (1 John 4:18)
- For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome. (1 John 5:3)
The Bible says God is love. So, when we mar the meaning of the word we are redefining the very character of who God is. That's the goal of the enemy... to make sure we don't really understand God, because if we truly knew how much He loved us and what He endured to be with us, we wouldn't be able to stay away from Him.
I'm writing these thoughts as the entire world celebrates Easter Sunday. What a sobering thought! God humbled Himself to come in the flesh as a baby, to endure the rebuke and abandonment of His closest friends, and to end up willingly dying an agonizing death on the cross because He loved me even when I didn't love Him. I gave Him nothing, yet He gave me everything! If we all followed that definition of love, our world would be a much different place. But, people would rather have their hands full of the benefits of love and drop them when they get painful or heavy, than have their hands pierced by the sacrifice of it.
Love is also what defines us as Christ's disciples. Jesus said, "By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:35. This is why our understanding of love is so important. It is how the world will know that we are His. If Satan can get us to take a watered-down, easy-to-swallow pill of what love is, than our witness is over. We try to sell the world a paper house in a rainstorm. They see right through us. But, show them the blood-stained nail-pierced-hands-of-Christ kind of love, and you will shake them to their core. That love is rarely seen but when it is, it changes people.
God is searching for men and women who love fearlessly to do His final work. If I am honest with myself, I will admit freely that I have no idea how to love Him or others the way He loves me. But, daily He gives me opportunities to grow in this area. Minute by minute, I have to ask Him to help me surrender my natural desire to seek personal pleasure and comfort at the expense of others. He offers to teach me His kind of love. If you're tired of the world's definition, He offers this to you as well. And, the more we learn, the more we realize the kind of love He has for us. God doesn't offer us the paper house love, He offers us the diamond castle more beautiful than any fairy tale. It is our choice which version we want to cling to. I'll take the castle!
"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39
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